Microsite Reflections – a church community perspective

Microsite Reflections – a church community perspective

It is amazing how the microsite came to be through relationship and word of mouth (and God’s nudging).  Somebody spoke to somebody who spoke to somebody…… and the CHS Pastorate found ourselves unanimously agreeing to open up the church for a group of homeless women.  I love how God works in our hearts without us even noticing.  It was so exciting to be a part of this wonderful effort.  After meeting Phinius and Katlyn Sebatsane we spent a few days moving all of the chairs and stage boxes out of the church.  We had a wonderful time dividing the hall into sections to fit mattresses and side tables for the ladies and making the hall feel like home.  We converted the Upstairs Room into a lounge with a tv and blankets against the cold.  The cottage used for the creche was turned into a washing area, with a borrowed washing machine installed and washing lines strung up behind the church.

I was so touched by the many many offers of help from the CHS community.  So many people supplied food, bedding, clothing and their time (the most valuable).  It felt like a real community effort.
And yes, there were times when things were difficult, but God, as always, was so gracious and loving and patient with everyone.

A real highlight for me was getting to know Phinius and Katlyn Sebatsane who were the site managers and generously gave themselves to these ladies, sleeping in a makeshift bedroom we had created in the cry room.  They are an inspiring couple who are Jesus to people on the streets of Muizenberg.  And I think that this is one of the things that really struck me – that by welcoming these women into our building, and loving them, we were being Jesus to them.  What an incredible honour that proved to be.  To be a part of restoring dignity and giving people hope – not much can top that.
The second thing that struck me was how many groups and people (outside of CHS) have been a part of this effort.  I had no idea that so many communities had invested their time, energy and resources into the lives of these women.  It is a wonderful thing that CHS has been connected, through these ladies, to so many who have so much to offer.  Again, what an incredible privilege.

Although my role in the Microsite has been mainly as grocery shopper and administrator (with the odd bit of window fixing), I cannot express what a huge blessing it has been to be a part of this effort.  Our CHS community has shown what it is like to be Jesus to others and I hope that we can continue to do this on an even greater scale in the future.  It feels like the action of opening our church as a home has birthed something that is as yet, without form, but I can feel the potential for us to do more.

Thank you CHS for being you and for being Jesus to others

Nina Young  😊

Microsite Reflections – Opening a door to what God desires

Microsite Reflections – Opening a door to what God desires

The microsite story will live long in the memory, and this for a number of reasons but mainly because in all these things God has a great desire to be part of our collective and individual freedom journeys. I distinctly remember seeing these images on social media posted by this guy called Phinius on social media. I wasn’t sure what was grabbing me about them…the filters were extremely specific but it had to be more than that. He was documenting a journey of some special people who were living on the mountain in Muizenberg. At first they were centred around the living conditions but things changed and it appeared to me that there was a real desire on the faces of these guys to find a home. They would use placards almost like a toyi toyi, and their message was clear, ‘We are here, and we are looking for home…’
Whilst this was happening a small group of people from CHS were tasked by Brendan to look into the different options that the church could be used for in the COVID response time. Should we be a storage facility? A testing facility? I appreciate I have a home bias, but for me nothing excited me apart from the idea of the church opening its doors to become a shelter for the most vulnerable. Ron and I were encouraged to pursue the options by Brendan. To my shock however I found out that Pastorate quite hesitant and unsure about the idea of opening the church to provide shelter. I was deeply disappointed and I felt like it was a missed opportunity, I was convinced that God wasn’t getting excited about the church being a storage facility!
But these images that I kept seeing continued to poke me – a spiritual discomfort – even in the knowledge of this ‘no’ that we had heard. Who is this Phinius guy anyway? Caroline from The Warehouse already knew him and she encouraged me to make contact. I remember the moment I called Phinius, I was in the garden in my house and for some reason I was extremely nervous. I knew that I had to glean a wider picture of what was going on in Muizenberg, without giving away any idea that the church had something to offer. Phinius came across as someone with clarity and compassion, and immediately approachable. He described the story of the group of people who he and his wife Katlyn had been called to serve, and he continued to describe how a wider community of people had gathered around them…CAN groups, the Uturn NGO, some of his own friends, interactions with local councillors etc. The solitary void in the conversation was glaringly obvious, the only thing missing from this was a building.
Phinius made it very clear that their first priority was to find a home for the ladies in the group, which numbered about 10. When I heard that we might be talking about 10 ladies, and that they would be coming with a ready made social infrastructure around them, I felt like this thing could be possible, EVEN in the face of the ‘no’ we heard previously. I dropped the phone call and immediately called Brendan to put forward a tentative proposal. To my surprise he was receptive, dare I say excited; this door that I had assumed would shut immediately wasn’t shutting. It kept opening. When we fully understood the depth and breadth of the work Phinius and Katlyn had already done to ensure that these beautiful but vulnerable people would be cared for, the fear of what all of this means (or could mean) started to vanish. It all seemed possible.
The doors kept opening. The ‘no’ from pastorate became a ‘yes’. I see this as a miracle, what greater miracle is there than hearts and perspective changes? But then there was the Parish, what would they say? The doors kept opening. At the celebration dinner at the end of the time of the microsite I went up to some of the ladies at the end, and thanked them for being here: ‘We need you as much as you need us…’ Or words to that effect. The least of these (in a worldly sense) had felt welcomed in the church which is not something we can always say. And why do we need them? Because we have been given a mandate by God to open up a table. A feast table, a table whose presence reminds all humans that you are welcome and that you matter and that God has a plan for your life. So I believe there is a direct connection between the concept of the table (that emanated form the facilitation sessions in the church to build the life centre) and these beautiful ladies. Our job is to continue to find each other, and even be led by those we thought we have been called to care for.
I hope this all makes sense. Have a great day.
Kind Regards 

Barry Lewis

Microsite Reflections – A Godly Journey

Microsite Reflections

The following was a 2020 reflection (approx. 3rd quarter), in the midst of COVID lockdown and Gods work.

I have been trying over the weekend to articulate what God has done in the last 4 months when we were at CHS and it’s hard. You see, when we started working with these precious women on the street of Muizenberg, we were told that we’re ”wasting our time”, ”they will never change”, ”they’re gangsters, “they’re dangerous, be careful”, ”just ignore them”, ”don’t tell them where you live or give them your number” ”don’t feed them.” ”You’re too young, you don’t know what you’re doing”. We were told a lot of hurtful things (especially about coloured people) and lost ’friends’ and ’mentors’ for obeying God. We faced a lot of persecution and rejection. It was hard and lonely. We had to choose between being the Priest and the Levite who ignored a man who was beat up on the side of the road or be the good samaritan and love our ’homeless’ neighbour; our brothers and sisters as God commanded (not suggested). Like Peter we started to doubt because of listening to the wrong voices, but God was faithful when we were not and He brought strangers (good Samaritans) on our path who believed in us and poured into us. He turned what was meant for evil into good and made what looked impossible, possible. He taught us that His love is greater than fear and His grace is greater than disappointments. He loved us to love others.
We’re so proud of these women. It wasn’t easy but when they got the revelation of whose they are, they took their power and dignity back from the hands of the enemy. All we did was put the mirror (the Word) of God in front of them every day and remind them of who they are and God did the rest. We believe God can change anyone. There is no one He created that is too messed or broken for Him to fix. You see, homelessness can be ended, not just by housing but by a caring community. By genuine relationships. By treating people like human beings, not projects. By listening to those we serve and doing what is best for them, not a program. By providing a HOME, not just temporary shelters that only meet people’s physical needs and neglects their emotional and spiritual needs. By serving, loving and living with the people as equals, not as superiors. By sharing resources and working together as a community. By inviting God in the issue because this is more than a house (physical) issue, it’s an identity (spiritual) issue. The truth is, we can’t change people, that’s God’s job but we can love them. People heal and grow where they feel loved, not judged. We have seen God turn these beautiful ladies who thought they were caterpillars into butterflies. They’re not the same women we met a few months ago. All they wanted was love; love that doesn’t give up on them when they mess up. A place to belong and call HOME – something they tried to find on the street, but all they got was pain. We’re so grateful that we have a Father in heaven who doesn’t waste pain and hears the cries of the marginalised in society.
Someone once told me, ”If you want to go fast go alone, but if you want to go far, take some people with you.” You see, this is bigger than us. We couldn’t do this without God, friends and strangers who we now call family. 3 months ago we had nothing, just a seed (vision) in the womb looking for a place to be planted and grow. We are so thankful to CHS, for praying and championing us to fulfil what God has called us to do. These wouldn’t be possible without your YES. Thank you for believing in us and our friends on the street. Where I come from we say, ”It takes a village to raise a child” and I can certainly say, it takes a caring community to end homelessness.
So what’s next? Well, some of the ladies are home with their families. We managed to reconcile them with their families and put them in a rehab program that finishes in January. 5 of the ladies are working with EPWP and earning some money to look after themselves. 2 of the ladies are in the process of getting their ID documents so that they can start working. In the meantime, they’re volunteering and working in different organizations to empower themselves and we will check on them weekly to make sure they reach their goal. We’re super excited for the next season for them. We know it’s not going to be easy for them but we are glad that they have a Father and a family to run to when they’re struggling. PRAY FOR THEM. Pray for them to remember like the prodigal son of how much they’re loved by the Father when they’re in the wilderness.
We believe God has started something amazing @ CHS and we want to normalise it. This is not the end, it’s only the beginning. We want to help more women on the street, but we need a building; a house of restoration for homeless women. That’s our next mission. If the church can partner with us on this mission, let us know. We are busy looking at a 5 bedroom house in Lakeside that will cost R10 000 per month to rent and if we want to buy it, it will be R3.5 million. So please pray with us.
One powerful thing I have learned in this time is the power of COMM-UNITY. Courage is birthed and sustained in community, not in isolation. Nothing is impossible when we put our agendas and differences aside and work together towards a common goal as people.
Again, thank you CHS for believing in us. We appreciate everything you have done for us.

Keep on praying for us.          

God bless you       

Phinius Sebatsane           

Here I Am.Send Me                  



Immanuel (He Is Called)

An original Christmas song inspired by Isaiah 61 and Isiaah 9.
May you know God with us this season, even in the midst of all the chaos happening across the world.

The Young Leaders Colab

The Young Leaders Colab

Exploring faith and life

The team of Youth Pastors in the Parish of St. John’s have been on a deeply transformative journey over the last 3 years, much because of our time at the SJLA. Questions about discipleship, faithfulness and context have emerged, and together we have wrestled with what it means to follow Jesus faithfully in a fragmented city like Cape Town. The important role of leadership has come into sharper focus for us and in our wrestle we have discovered that leadership requires an address, it has to find location somewhere and has to be an active practice of action and reflection. As a team we recognised the need to be having these conversations with our young people as an imperative of our discipleship task. We recognised the need to foster spaces where young leaders could consider how their faith in Jesus helped them and us navigate really significant social challenges within our society. Our picture of God has certainly expanded over the last few years, our relationships have deepened and we are discovering healthy ways to collaborate as we pursue being one Parish with multiple stories.

This journey is what we wanted to invite others on, a journey that would deepen our theological reflection and grow our discipleship. This was essentially the start of the Young Leaders Colab, a 14 week leadership journey for those 16 – 22. YLC was birthed out of the desire to grow young leaders in community. We designed and covered 5 modules that included exploring our stories, unpacking the idea of collaborative leadership and considering the significance and process of critical thinking. We also looked at the spiritual practise of friendship and explored ways to foster a new imagination. The rhythm of meetings meant that we met for two consecutive weeks and then had an off week – so as not to rush the process but to create time for reflection. Every week we gathered (online) we started our time together looking at the life of Jesus and in particular , we camped in the Gospel of Luke reflecting on 10 movements of Jesus growing a deeper and more faithful picture of discipleship and the call to follow him here in our world.

25 young leaders joined the YLC journey from across the Parish and St. Peters. It was a mixed group of people from across socio-economic, cultural, racial and gender divides. It meant that young leaders could reflect on their own experiences in this city but also that of others – could share about their communities and the schools they attend and places they frequent and explore their own theology and how that influences how they live in this world. For us this was only the beginning of a long walking together in discipling and growing leaders for a City in great contestation. In the midst of a very trying and challenging year, these 14 weeks brought me great delight and hope. I am so thankful for the Youth Pastors team in this Parish – we do have some really phenomenal (younger) leaders: who think deeply, who love God above all else, who are actively discipling others in their following of Jesus and who want to be faithful in their leading in this city. It is beautiful to bear witness to their formation.


Keegan Davids

Parish Youth Pastor

You can watch the 5-part YLC series on YouTube here.

Parish Worship Nights

The Parish Worship Night collaborations have emerged from a number of stories that have somehow come together at a time when we have been forced to be away from each other and stay in our corners rather than do something new and fresh. Some of those stories are being able to lead worship at different churches in the parish, young people gatherings and camps, staff prayer mornings, staff retreats and lots of other opportunities to have different people from all over the parish leading and worshiping together.

When Covid hit and things started to move online, there was a Good Friday Service that had been put together by the Parish Leadership Team, where all the Ministers shared on ‘Jesus’ Seven Words from the Cross’ and different worship leaders took part in the service. This was one of the most beautiful things to witness, as it gave a picture of “One Church with Six Expressions”. That was followed by a Worship Night that we premiered on Easter Sunday. And we followed that up with our first online Parish Worship Night on Pentecost.

At the time we recorded remotely and sent each other the music recordings and videos which were synced and edited together to try and make them sound decent. This evolved to what we now are now doing monthly, with in-person filming and recording, observing all Covid protocols. We hope to move to some sort of live streaming events soon.

But the Parish Worship Night is not just about a bunch of people who love Jesus and music, coming together to worship, and inviting those watching to join in – although it is all of those things too! It’s also about a variety of styles of music, leadership, experience and theology coming together, being embraced and challenged. We have had some meaningful engagements through devotion, conversation, prayer and we’ve also had new songs being written and shared over the past few months. In addition, we’ve started reading and engaging with a helpful book that focuses on diverse worship –The Next Worship: Glorifying God in a Diverse World, by Sandra Maria Van Opstal.

And so the Parish Worship Night has been a catalyst for more collaboration and exploration of skill sharing, exchange in musicians and singers across the Parish, song writing and developing a theology for our worship as Capetonians and South Africans that is different to other parts of the world. That has included challenging the style and language we have adopted formerly without questioning what it means for the communities we lead.

What we have witnessed and been part of, within and outside of our monthly gatherings, are a bunch of people who love God and so, too, love people, and have met through this common love for leading ourselves and others in worship. For the November collaboration, we managed to have a socially-distanced meal together as tangible way to be with each other around the same table because we actually also want to, as our friendships deepen.

written by Charlie Alexander
Youth Worker, St Peter’s Mowbray

Advent Kids Video Series

Advent Kids Video Series


In case you don’t get a chance to go to church this season, our children’s ministry team have created a weekly video series for the season of Advent.

Week 1 is a short children’s introduction to the season of advent.


You can find the other videos of this series and more from our amazing kids church team within this playlist

Have Your Way – A Musical Prayer

Have Your Way – A Musical Prayer

Members of CHS sent in their versions of Have Your Way. We thought we could use it as a prayer, a corporate lament for all the wrongs we see, but also as a corporate commitment to look to Jesus and know that he is the only answer. This video is the result: not perfect but what we believe is a heart-felt cry to Jesus to come and have his way.

As we celebrate Advent, looking to when Jesus came as a baby and anticipating his future return, we can sing “Lord have your way” in the here and now. He is alive. His spirit is alive and real. He is Emmanuel, God with us, and his kingdom is alive and on the move. We may face some really tough times and difficult circumstances – the heavy weight of injustice, sickness, poverty and violence – but I believe God is at work and we can come before him in confidence that he will break all the chains that bind us. He will set us free. He will transform us and our communities into beacons of hope and light and love.

God bless you this Advent Season and Jesus, come have your way.

My Parish Rector swan song – 2020-11-23

(An edited version of Duncan’s final report as Parish Rector and Team leader to Parish Council)

I look back on the past 31 years in the Parish with profound gratitude to God for the privilege I have had of leading Christ Church for 23 years and the Parish for the past 8 years. When I say it has been a privilege, I mean it. This is an amazing parish, unique in its make-up of six churches, the Warehouse and the SJLA and our shared heritage and ethos as Evangelical, Anglican, Charismatic and Missional.

Allow me to share three highlights and three challenges that need to be grasped.

Planting CHS

Three things of note emerged, following what was termed the Toronto Blessing which broke upon the Parish in 1995. The first Alpha course was run; a number of people went into full time mission work of various kinds; the giving went up; and CHS was planted in 2000. I have written about this in the CCK Centenary book. CHS, now well established and embarking on a frightening and exciting building project is now a vibrant 20 year old full of passion and energy.

The Warehouse

Another aspect of the renewal that God brought was the start of what we called Ministry Among the Poor (MAP), spear-headed by Elizabeth Clack.

This, along with the weeks of generosity, gave birth to the Warehouse, with Craig Stewart being appointed as Warehouse manager in July 2002;  he and Elizabeth nurtured the infant ministry, housed in the double garage at Christ Church Centre.

The Warehouse has grown and expanded, reviewed its strategy, adapted and become a beacon of hope and innovative engagement that has international recognition. The vision of seeing the church of Jesus actively living out the peace and justice of God for the world is expressed in the support they give to local congregations, enabling dialogue, facilitating collaboration and inspiring  hope-filled imagination that leads to action.

The St John’s Leadership Academy

We launched the SJLA in January 2016. It has been an exciting journey over these past five years and I grateful for all that God has done and the opportunity afforded me to lead the SJLA.

In 2016 and 2017 we were very much still finding our way. We met initially only one Saturday morning a month in 2016. We moved to meeting weekly in 2017 while still trying, rather unsuccessfully, to run a Saturday programme at the same time. 2018 marked the start of a more structured three year programme with a well set out curriculum based on the praxis cycle and clearer strategy. We now have our first group completing the three year journey and moving on.

I worked initially very closely with Peter Holgate. Peter always had a dream and longing to see St John’s as being a training parish that produced missional leaders. He gave his support and encouragement right up to the end of his life. He came to our Board meeting on the 8th of May 2017 and went into hospital the next day for major surgery from which he did not recover. I thank God for Peter who was, true to his name, a real rock of support.

There are many others who have given time and input and helped not only in building the plane as we fly it, but to shape and improve the design as we have gone along. Jerry Van Niekerk, Morea Josias and now Trevor Joshua have served as Chairs of the Board. Wayne Toms has helped us do strategic reviews.

I want also to record the support and backing we have had from Archbishop Thabo. He has championed us and encouraged me and always given his support.

I am pleased to say that one of first students Brendan Fox was ordained Deacon last year and will be ordained to priesthood next week. Another of our students Philip Donald (not from this Parish but from St Peter’s Mowbray) will be ordained Deacon February and is being sent to us for his curacy and will serve and be exposed to ministry across the Parish under the oversight of Natalie Simons-Arendse. There are two others in the Fellowship of Vocation and more seeking to be admitted.

In the past few years I have had the immense privilege of being part of a team and working closely with Keegan Davids, Natalie Simons-Arendse and René August. Each have played a significant part in getting us to where we are today. I have learned so much from them and being part of this team has been a high light of my ministry as PRTL. Brendan Fox will be joining the team next year and it is with confidence that I entrust the care of this fledgling to them to take it into the next chapter.


As I hand over the reins of the Parish I want to highlight three challenges that need to be grasped.

Vision and Heritage: We have used the words Anglican, Evangelical, Missional and Charismatic to describe our heritage and ethos. They give some clarity but also open to various and sometime misguided interpretations of what these words mean. They need to be grasped and explored afresh. Our heritage must inform and inspire us, but not control us.

The leadership of the Parish is currently engaged in look at what it means to be evangelical and Rob Taylor and others are leading discussion around the Lausanne Covenant could help us in that. For too long we have hitched our wagon to a brand of evangelicalism that has emerged from the UK and the US. We are discovering and I urge more attention be placed on listening to and engaging with Evangelicals who come from other parts of the world. We will be enriched and inspired as we do.

We are also, and will always be, engaged in discerning what it means to be missional and engaged in God’s mission as our context and the needs of our neighbours (whom Jesus commands us to love as we love ourselves) change.

The Anglican Church, along with all others and indeed the world has experienced a major shake-up in this year COVID. Everything we have done and relied on in the past has been shoved into new spaces. This is a creative space and I trust we will not let the opportunity and pain be wasted for us to explore what it means to be church in this new world.

In all this I want to stress the importance of being women and men of the Holy Spirit. We need the inspiration, gifting, empowering, prophetic wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Let’s us not get trapped in trying to “do it again like we did last summer” but being open to the new things the Spirit wants to do in and through us.


Money has a way of getting us on our knees. One of the areas in which we have felt particular pressure is in our finances. Our income across the Parish this year is projected to be R1 million less than last year. Rather than throw up our hands in horror and defeat this means we have to think innovatively and creatively taking what we do have – holding it with a greater sense of thanks – and using the resources of staff and our buildings (the two greatest draws on our budgets) in different and more strategic ways.

A key consideration here is how do we deploy and possibly share clergy. It will mean breaking out of old and established ways of doing things – but only established relatively recently. All manner of creative and empowering things could happen.

We also need to look at use of our buildings. CHS does not have to be the only church building a Life Centre. I sense that God will use CHS to prompt all the churches across the Parish to look at how our physical spaces are used and could be used creatively and differently.

Back Young Leaders

In the SJLA we are focussed on the formation of pioneering mission-shaped church leaders for our context. Pioneers are those who lead the way to places we have not been before. They break new ground and discover the new things that God is doing and join in.

We have seen some very exciting things happen this year in the midst of COVID. We had our first ever combined Good Friday Three Hour Service. Following that there have been monthly Sunday evening worship services. The children’s pastors have collaborated around producing material – St John’s Parish Kids. (Please pray for Rene Barry the Children’s Coordinator at St Luke’s who has tested positive for COVID). The youth pastors have developed the Colabs exploring faith and life and looking most recently looking at a theology of friendships that transform our world. There have been webinars on how do we do anti-racism discipleship; discussed how we can respond to the issue of GBV and patriarchy. Inspiring stuff. Checkout the St John’s Parish YouTube channel for loads of locally produced material.

The micro site at CHS – which Phineas will tell us about – and may other things happening across the Parish have taken place largely (not entirely I hasten to add) because young leaders have stepped up and grasped the opportunity. The challenge is for us to allow the energy and passion of our young emerging leaders to shape the Parish. They are invested in the future and want to shape it and make more like the Kingdom of God. They are pioneering and will take us where we have not been before.

The challenge is, will we make way and let them? Yes there are lessons to be learned from the past. Lessons we learned – certainly in my case – mostly by making mistakes.

I joined this Parish and took on leadership of Christ Church aged 34. David Prior was 31 when he took on leadership of Christ Church. So this is something we have done before. And we are doing it again. Natalie came, with experience and having met the challenges of being a school chaplain to lead St Philp’s not having not led a church before. The same is true for Thabang as he came with experience in the Salvation Army and indeed in the South African Military but having led an Anglican church to take up the leadership of St John’s just a year ago. The same is true for Brendan who has taken up the reins at CHS. And the same will be true for Guy Axelson when he comes to take the rein here at Christ Church.

Letting young men and women lead is in our DNA as a Parish. Let’s hold onto that and do it again. Allow them space to lead and make mistakes. I would want those who follow me to stand on my shoulders and go higher.


As I conclude I want to thank God and you all for the immense privilege of having led the Parish these past eight years and to have had the opportunity to see the idea of the SJLA morph into reality; to watch the nest being built and fledgling take off and fly. I am full of excited anticipation.  I am retiring from being Parish Rector and Team Leader, but not from ministry. As Gordon Macdonald said many years ago – “there is no retirement in the Kingdom of God”. I will continue to watch and pray, and cheer on the great team that is in place.

So, whether we are retired or not, young or old, volunteer or staff … we press on to take hold of that for which God in Christ took hold us.

Duncan McLea


Be still & know that I am God!

Worship Song: “Be Still” by Cat Lennox and Grace Bridgeman

We finished writing Be Still on the 1st October 2020 in time for the Sunday service on 4th October that was centered round a similar theme. A song for this season. But the truth is, the journey of writing this song actually started last year in 2019.
There was a lot going on last year – all the Gender Based Violence issues that were plastered all over the news, my own personal struggle within that space and a very difficult pregnancy – and I just sat down at the piano feeling the turmoil storming around in my head and wanting to bring it to God in worship. What did he want us to do in response?

There was a lot going on last year…

…feeling the turmoil storming around in my head and wanting to bring it to God in worship. What did he want us to do in response?

When I started to play the music felt tumultuous, like stormy waves crashing and raging and I couldn’t put words to all the emotions. I believe one way we worship God is bringing everything inside us to God, the good, the bad, the weak and the painful; not holding back but allowing ourselves to be honest and vulnerable. The music started to build up and then, suddenly, as if the clouds separated and a clear beam of sunlight broke through, I suddenly had the chorus spring to mind. The music changes to major. It quietens. It becomes more still and the words of Psalm 40 verse 10 were as clear as day: “Be still and know I am God.”

That and a small portion of the bridge was all that was written at that time. I tussled and sat with it, but I just couldn’t find the right words. Everything I wrote felt contrived and not a true reflection of what was meant or needed to be said. It was too convoluted. Too focused on the intense emotions and somehow missing sight of God.
While sitting with the song, the process of trying to write, became like a meditation for me personally on what it really meant to Be Still. I was still grappling with all that was swirling around in my head and God was encouraging me to enter into his promise of peace and rest within the chaos, within the center of the storm. I eventually resigned myself to not finishing the song and just enjoying what God was doing through it in me and would often just play the music of the verses and pre-chorus and allow myself to feel all the pulling and swirling and then sit with the chorus knowing
that God was there and asking me to choose him in spite of all the turmoil within me.

God wanted me to first go through the process of learning and growing in this area of being still in myself before I would be able to write it in a way that would honour him

Somehow I knew that the song wasn’t ready to be written yet. That it needed to sit and I needed to wait. Trust in God’s perfect timing. What I didn’t know was that God wanted me to first go through the process of learning and growing in this area of being still in myself before I would be able to write it in a way that would honour him. And so the song went on hold while I went on a journey of navigating this crazy world and learning to Be Still.

One of the big things I learnt to put in practice was that being still was a choice that we make inside ourselves, not carving out some quiet time in a peaceful spot. To Be Still meant choosing to look to Jesus and stilling the frustrations and worries and anxiety in my heart even when there is a very upset toddler shouting at you or you are so exhausted and overwhelmed and that important work deadline is looming. Being still is something we actively need to pursue, to look to Jesus and trust in him when it feels the walls around you are crumbling. I think too often we stop at the Be Still part of the verse but it says: “Be still and know that I am God.” I think that is key. In order to still our inner selves and know that peace that passes all understanding we have to get a bigger and better view of who God is. A deep, inner knowledge of God. Looking up rather than around. Not always easy and something that I continually have to work at, but after making that choice I have seen how God has slowly been changing my perspective about the many things that had been weighing me down.


So the journey continued until more than a year later, after I had just returned to work after being on maternity leave, and suddenly things seemed to click into place.
Brendan, our team leader, was talking about how he really felt that after the next sermon series we as a church needed to explore what it meant to Be Still and find rest in Jesus. All the staff were sharing how exhausted and overwhelmed they were feeling. How people within our church were feeling the same. Covid-19 and lockdown had thrown people’s lives into chaos: economic uncertainty, health fears and woes, stressful and completely different working environments… And in particular, as the initial quiet and shut down of the hard lock down started to fade, people were again filling their lives with “stuff.” We as a team really felt it was important to relook at everything that had come before lockdown and be careful not just go back to normal but really be intentional at choosing what we filled our schedules with. What was God asking us to do? What was God wanting us to let go of, reinvent, pioneer or restart? How could we use this opportunity to prune the unnecessary and unhelpful and make space for new growth or even new rhythms of rest?

it is in fact counter-cultural to Be Still

Brendan and I had a conversation about how it is in fact counter-cultural to Be Still. To place our identity not in how busy we are, what we do, our job or financial status etc. but placing our identity in Jesus. Trusting in Jesus, no matter how bad things get. I knew that this was the time for the song. It felt right and as I sat at home thinking about all the
things I had heard people share about how they were feeling and struggling and wanting to seek after God the words for most of the song just came. As has been my experience over the last few years, I cannot write a worship song that is intended for the use of my community in a vacuum on my own. It doesn’t always mean that I need to have other people write the words or music but it does mean that the words and music are written out of listening to other people’s stories and what God is doing and how he is convicting us within our lives. They aren’t my songs. They are his songs, meant for us. To strengthen and encourage. So before I could really finish the song I felt I needed to
sit with someone and really just let the song settle. Through circumstance, prayer and what I believe was the beginning of God-ordained friendship I went to sit with Grace Bridgeman. We jammed a bit and just worshiped together and then gave finishing off the song a go.


I still felt a little convoluted. I still had too much rattling round in my head and I needed to see more clearly what the core message of the song was. What was the main message I felt God was trying to say through it. Luckily, Grace is definitely one of those people that Proverbs speaks of “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:7) and so by the end of that session the song had taken more shape and I had a clearer view of how the song should be. She really helped me to sift through the many parts of the song and find what the core of what God was wanting to say through it really was. And it helps that she plays the piano and sings like an angel too.

I finished it off that evening and after waiting more than a year thinking the song would never be finished, suddenly within two days it was complete and ready for Sunday. And I felt, as always, that God really does know best and his timing is perfect. Not just for me. Not just for the theme of the service but God was going to use the song: Grace sent me this reflection: “Writing the song was the biggest blessing to me, in remembering in why I can be still and know that he is God because he is faithful and he enters into our lives. He isn’t distant. He is present. He is involved. He is interested. He is alive and he is faithful to us so we can be still. We don’t have to be anxious. He is good to us. He doesn’t shy away from the mess.” She went on to share that for about two weeks after helping to write the song she woke up every single morning at 2am with the lyrics just going through her mind. She was dealing with anxiety about
some situations in her own life and the reminder that she could be still even in that head space was
such a blessing.
I believe this is a song for this season of trial. I believe it is an invitation to be real with God. To really bring all the burdens and worries we carry and to take hold of his invitation in Matthew 11 to come to him and find rest. To learn from him and be unburdened. It is a reminder that God is FAITHFUL and that we are never alone. That we can be strong and courageous because he is with us and he is stronger than what we face. He is our refuge and our safe place and we CAN trust in him. And that we can be still and know him even when the storm is raging all around.

God is FAITHFUL… we can be still and know him even when the storm is raging all around